So, I have been thinking a lot about stay-at-home moms lately. The things I am going to write about are not here to offend anyone. It's just something that I struggle with and wanted to share. I don't feel any less for moms who work away from home. I completely understand why they do it and, to be honest, I envy them at times. I feel exhausted taking care of the kids, doing house work, and feeding the family when I am at home. So, you mom's who work and then come home to having to do housework and taking care of the family, "Way to go". That sounds completely exhausting to me! But, staying at home is a lot of work too and sometimes I wish I was working away from home and the kids just to get a break.
Staying at home is a more than full time job (24-7) and the importance for staying at home with your children could not be emphasized more. I read this book once (given to me by my mother-in-law) called, "Home by Choice - Raising Emotionally Secure Children in an Insecure World" written by Brenda Hunter, Ph.D. Before I read this book I knew I wanted to stay at home, but after reading this book I knew I HAD to stay at home. This book is excellent and I think that all moms should read it before having children!
The selfish part of me wants to work outside of my home, so that we can have more money to buy more things for our family. I also want to work outside of my home, so that I can get a break from my kids and from being at home all the time, because honestly, being at home makes me feel crazy sometimes. This blog posting alone is taking me all day to do... every time I sit down to write more, something else is happening. Here are a list of things that I miss daily:
I MISS being able to dress up every day and feel important by going to a job that needs me
I MISS socializing with adults throughout the day
I MISS using the skills I was trained in and feeling professional about it
I MISS feeling sexy for my husband and myself
I MISS wanting to come home after a long days work
There are so many reasons why I want to work away from home, but those reasons don't matter in the long run. The things that matter the most are giving my children the physical and emotional security they need especially when they are small. Children thrive on structure, routine, and discipline! I see how much better Calvin behaves when he is home with me and when we are back in our normal routine. ALTHOUGH, being at home with my children is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. It is humbling in every sort of way!
On bad days like today, I wish I could leave and get a break from the kids and the house. I wish I could have time to shower and do my hair and makeup and dress up to make myself feel beautiful. I wish I could have another job outside of my house to make myself feel important. I wish I could go and do things that would make me feel like an amazing woman and not just a crazy mom!
Many working moms say, "I'm not cut out to be a stay at home mom." That is only for certain women. Well, I got news for you.
I am not cut out to be a stay at home mom either, but I do it anyways! The only reason why I have the strength, patience, and endurance is because God gives me all that I need. There is no way I could be at home all the time without the strength that God provides me. There are many mornings that I wake up thinking, "how can I get through this day? I can't do this anymore. I hate being at home all day". There are many evenings when I cry when Johnny comes home. There are many days I call Johnny just to vent about how the day is going. But, when I spend time with God I am reminded of the importance of my role as a wife and mother. I am reminded of the joys that a child can give to me (funny words Calvin says or cute moments when both kids are loving on one another or Calvin loving on me or the kids doing something silly). Throughout the day, Calvin and Maya give me sweet reminders of why I do enjoy being at home with them.
We are on a very low income and yet somehow we make do. Johnny and I would love to be able to make more money and to be able to buy cooler clothes or better toys and the list could go on. Yes, we forget the point of life and get jealous of other people with better jobs and more money and better things. But, that isn't the point to life. We are NOT here to move up higher in class or to own the best and to be the coolest. Of course it doesn't hurt to enjoy life a little, but we have to keep things in perspective. We are here to be a witness to others, so that they too can share in eternal life with our Lord and Savior! And as a mother, I am here to raise up my children to the best that I know how. I need to be a good role model for them and to give them the love and security that they deserve! I need to teach them how to have a personal relationship with Jesus. It' s absolutely overwhelming the responsibility we have as parents!
So, yes, I struggle daily with my real job. There are many days like today that make me envious of those who work outside the home. I even get envious of Johnny (my own husband) when he gets to leave for work. But when I put myself in his shoes, I am envious of my job. If I worked outside the home, I would miss out on so much. I would miss so many milestones and sweet moments that I am so lucky to have seen at home. I would miss being home with my kids and being able to watch them grow and change every day. There are so many little things that I would never want to miss out on. Even though I struggle with loving my job, I wouldn't change anything about it! I know I will never regret being at home with my children, but I may regret being away from them. Just something to think about. This is something that has been on my heart for a long time and thought it was worth sharing. Here are my two sweetest babies! They are truly my pride and joy!
9 comments:
Anna...sweet Anna, your words are hand picked and your message very eloquently expressed. I understand how you feel. So many times, I feel the same way, struggle with the same stuff, and think as you have been. But you are right, there is only one way we can do this, and get through each day, especially when we are dealt a tough/challenging day, and that is with God's strength. You have a beautiful family; your kids have a wonderful mommy; and your husband a beautiful wife, inside and out. Don't FORGET that...that is how God made you, and that is how HE sees you, even when you're feeling at your worst. I'll be praying for you, I know it's tough. Big hugs, and CHIN UP!!
Your words are powerful. Anna, Dad on his deathbed this morning said, "My beautiful children must pass on to the next generation the great and wonderful salvation of our mighty God, the mercy, grace, and love of our Lord Jesus Christ. It doesn't matter if your kids have a hole in their sock, but that they hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ and see it lived in the home. Memorize Scripture and pass on the Word."
I love you. Mom
Your crazy neighbor lady is always just next door to both vent to and enjoy time with. Also you know that Calvin is always welcome while Odinn is awake. Now that nobody is sick we can all hang out.
Thank you for coming over today and being my friend. Soon I will ''just'' be a stay at home mommy and not a student mommy so I will be in the same shoes. Hope you start coming over more often,
Olof
Anna, what you wrote is the war that rages in my head so frequently. It's good to know that I'm in good company.
Confession 1: I joined the gym so I could be a healthier me not only physically but also mentally - sometimes the kids and I need a break from each other.
Confession 2: I volunteer at the church because I think it's important to tithe my time, but also so I can pretend to have a job one morning a week.
God bless you for doing what you do each day.
Thanks to your facebook status I just discovered your blog, and I think it will be a good one for me to revisit. :) I feel for you in so many ways and very much understand. I also know now what it's like to work full-time and miss out on a lot. I guess we all have our battles no matter what. I'm thankful for a husband who stays at home with Oliver, and I am very thankful for my job. But, like you, there is much that I miss. Thank you for sharing your heart and I pray you will have a season of refreshment and new experiences. You are wonderful and have much to offer this world.
Thanks for your honest view of life as a SAHM...I feel the same way...that it's difficult but sooooo worth it! I miss my life as a PreK teacher but I have plenty of minds to pour love & knowledge into here at home, I think! Blessings! Mandy
anna, your honesty is so refreshing. while i dont have any little ones yet, i feel where you are coming from. i hope to be a stay at home mom one day too. it's good to hear the ups and downs of the job. i often times thinks its only full of the ups (in my dream world). if you haven't read her already, i think you would enjoy reading mckmama's blog: http://www.mycharmingkids.net/.
Anna,
Your post brought tears to my eyes. I think I am feeling those things very acutely these days. I woke up not feeling well and have two sick children to be with all day too. The scenarios you describe sound so similar to my own daily issues with an inquisitive toddler, that I felt comforted to know that I am not the only one.
I hope that you are recovering well from your surgery. I had a random weird abdominal surgery just 3 weeks after Seth and I were married (no insurance) and the hospital bill was enormous. We had no income at the time and after much prayer and trusting in the Lord we were able to see how He abundantly provided. I love reading in my journal from that time because it reminds me of His goodness to us. I know that having two children on top of that situation would have been very difficult and I feel for you greatly. You will be on my heart today and I pray that you have a blessed day!
Krista
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