My body is changing. My skin if different. My HAIR is different. I'm loosing TONS of hair! My eyesight has changed (I need to get my eyes checked again - I get headaches every day now). I am always tired! My moods have been crazy! Everything has been really weird for me...I'm guessing it's possibly a late postpartum since I had abdominal surgery a few months ago and my body never got a good chance to go through postpartum right after Maya was born. It has been very interesting.
Anyways, I have naturally wavy hair (it's thick, course, frizzy, poofy, and not as wavy as I would like it to be), but I straighten it a lot. When I straighten it, I can go a whole week without having to wash my hair again. After making some side money on my own I just recently bought my first flat iron (the last one I was given as a hand me down from a friend and it had definitely lived its life). I bought the "T-Studio Remington flat Iron" which has been absolutely amazing! I can straighten my hair very quickly! I also got some Biolage smoothing serum (which I have never owned before) and I LOVE it! I have never had my hair so straight and silky smooth and not be poofy!
On the days I don't feel like taking a long time to style my hair I wear it wavy. When I wear it wavy I can also go a week without washing it, but I usually just wear it down one day and then wear it up the rest of the week. The last few times that I have worn my hair wavy, it has REALLY been wavy! My hair is starting to curl more! I'm so excited about this! I can wear my hair down longer and it's so much faster to do my hair this way! So, the next girly hair appliance I will be saving up for is a new blowdryer with a diffuser (any suggestions?). The one I am using is about finished. I'm not surprised since it was one of the cheapest ones I got at a walmart during college a long time ago. I'm amazed it has lasted this long! The attachment for the diffuser is just about to break off. Oh, and in case you were curious, I use Biolage firm hold gell on my hair (I have used it since college) and I absolutely LOVE it! I guess I just really like their products, because I use their shampoo and conditioner as well (my mom and brother got me started on those).
So, here is a picture of my crazy wavy hair after I had just finished diffusing it! Anyone else ever experience a drastic hair change or body change after having babies or for an unknown reason?
I'm trying to quickly catch up, so that I can continue blogging regularly. So, here are a few pictures from Christmas. Enjoy.
Calvin got his very first electric toothbrush. It has a robot on it ;) He was a little apprehensive at first, but now he LOVES it and it seems to help brush his teeth better than the standard ones.
Calvin's face was absolutely hilarious when he was opening up his Christmas present. It was a little computer that has the alphabet on it and plays various things for you. He LOVED it and still loves it. He likes to pretend that he is checking his email now!
Here is the only picture that turned out that I took of the three kids together (Calvin, Maya, and Taylor) before our camera died. It's hard to get a good picture of three kids together. I have a new respect for children photographers!
And here is a sweet picture of Nana and Maya together on Christmas day :)
These last two are a couple random pictures of the kids right after Christmas at our house. Maya was very interested in the snow (such a sweet profile) and Calvin was enjoying jumping off our couch!
Sorry I have not posted in so long. I think that I have just been avoiding it, because of what I am posting about this time. Right before Christmas we made a trip up to Oregon for my dad's funeral. It was a very short time, but it was good to be with my family. Here are some pictures from our time in Oregon. A couple of the first pictures are at the graveside funeral.
My dad will be very missed by so many people! My life will never be the same without him. I will miss him terribly! He was always the one that made me laugh when I was in a bad mood! He went through a very long and painful death, yet his attitude was always upbeat. What a perfect example of how to persevere when things are tough. But now he is in a much better place. He is with his one and only God and Savior! He is in heaven rejoicing, praising, and worshiping God! Lucky him!
My oldest brother and his son had the privilege of helping make this beautiful casket. Then my two oldest brothers were also able to lay my dad into it.
It was neat throwing roses onto the casket and watching it be lowered down into the earth. It was a good way to say "goodbye".
My dad was buried near where my brother Joel was also buried. So, we were able to visit Joel's grave as well.
Here are a few pictures of my dad that were set up for the memorial service.
And here are some pictures of our time with my mom at her house before we headed back home. It was a very short but sweet time! My mom's house is beautiful and the area around it is so peaceful! It was relaxing being able to take a walk in that kind of area. It's definitely a nice change of pace to stay in such a peaceful and serene neighborhood!
Thanks mom for letting us stay with you! That was special for us! It was so fun to go through pictures and take in old memories!
Here are a bunch of pictures of our family up until Christmas (except for my dads funeral - that will be for the next post). I have a lot to catch up on...These first five are all taken in our living room. This is where we spend most of our time these days out of the cold weather ;)
Calvin LOVES to read and now he enjoys "reading" to Maya. It really is the sweetest thing! And I love how Maya just lays there and listens while sucking her thumb...
Maya is 5 months now (actually she turned 5 months yesterday, the 28th)...time is going way to quickly! But I love the stage she is in right now. She is all about grabbing things and, of course, bringing them to her mouth to suck on. Johnny was holding her one evening and she grabbed his glasses...it was so cute!
And here is Calvin reading his "High Five" children's magazine that grandma got him. He LOVES it! He will actually sit down and look through the whole magazine! So, thank you grandma!
These last four pictures are from when the kids (mainly Calvin ;) were wrestling on our bed. It was hilarious to watch. Maya gets roughed up a little and doesn't seem to mind. I think that she adores her big brother and just loves to watch him!
So, here are a few pictures. Two are on Thanksgiving day (one with Maya and I and the other of Calvin who seems to be in deep thought) and then the rest are of our new Christmas decor. It has been especially fun this year to have Christmas decorations up for Calvin. He LOVES the lights and the ornaments on the tree! He keeps trying to rearrange them or put new ones on. This morning he tried adding his shoes to the tree. It was hard telling him that "our shoes don't go in the tree" with a straight face. He put them in so gently and then had a BIG grin on his face! He is quite the funny little man!
Today is one of those "bad" days. Maya is super fussy (don't really know why). Calvin is getting into everything he shouldn't and he knows it's a "no no". I am constantly going back and forth between both kids today. First example: While I was changing Maya and putting her to bed, Calvin was making a HUGE mess with his Spaghetios and peed all over his highchair and floor. 2nd example: While Calvin was eating lunch and I was playing with Maya, he grabbed a Christmas ornament off the tree (I stupidly put his highchair within arms reach of the Christmas tree) and sunk it into his bowl of spaghetios. 3rd example: Maya fusses every time I lay her down today and then Calvin keeps grabbing her toys from her mouth making her fuss even more . 4th example: Calvin accidently elbowed Maya in the head and while I was comforting Maya, Calvin fell and hit his head on the floor. So, Both were crying... Fun times! ANYWAYS, I guess I needed to vent.
So, I have been thinking a lot about stay-at-home moms lately. The things I am going to write about are not here to offend anyone. It's just something that I struggle with and wanted to share. I don't feel any less for moms who work away from home. I completely understand why they do it and, to be honest, I envy them at times. I feel exhausted taking care of the kids, doing house work, and feeding the family when I am at home. So, you mom's who work and then come home to having to do housework and taking care of the family, "Way to go". That sounds completely exhausting to me! But, staying at home is a lot of work too and sometimes I wish I was working away from home and the kids just to get a break.
Staying at home is a more than full time job (24-7) and the importance for staying at home with your children could not be emphasized more. I read this book once (given to me by my mother-in-law) called, "Home by Choice - Raising Emotionally Secure Children in an Insecure World" written by Brenda Hunter, Ph.D. Before I read this book I knew I wanted to stay at home, but after reading this book I knew I HAD to stay at home. This book is excellent and I think that all moms should read it before having children!
The selfish part of me wants to work outside of my home, so that we can have more money to buy more things for our family. I also want to work outside of my home, so that I can get a break from my kids and from being at home all the time, because honestly, being at home makes me feel crazy sometimes. This blog posting alone is taking me all day to do... every time I sit down to write more, something else is happening. Here are a list of things that I miss daily:
I MISS being able to dress up every day and feel important by going to a job that needs me I MISS socializing with adults throughout the day I MISS using the skills I was trained in and feeling professional about it I MISS feeling sexy for my husband and myself I MISS wanting to come home after a long days work
There are so many reasons why I want to work away from home, but those reasons don't matter in the long run. The things that matter the most are giving my children the physical and emotional security they need especially when they are small. Children thrive on structure, routine, and discipline! I see how much better Calvin behaves when he is home with me and when we are back in our normal routine. ALTHOUGH, being at home with my children is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. It is humbling in every sort of way!
On bad days like today, I wish I could leave and get a break from the kids and the house. I wish I could have time to shower and do my hair and makeup and dress up to make myself feel beautiful. I wish I could have another job outside of my house to make myself feel important. I wish I could go and do things that would make me feel like an amazing woman and not just a crazy mom!
Many working moms say, "I'm not cut out to be a stay at home mom." That is only for certain women. Well, I got news for you. I am not cut out to be a stay at home mom either, but I do it anyways! The only reason why I have the strength, patience, and endurance is because God gives me all that I need. There is no way I could be at home all the time without the strength that God provides me. There are many mornings that I wake up thinking, "how can I get through this day? I can't do this anymore. I hate being at home all day". There are many evenings when I cry when Johnny comes home. There are many days I call Johnny just to vent about how the day is going. But, when I spend time with God I am reminded of the importance of my role as a wife and mother. I am reminded of the joys that a child can give to me (funny words Calvin says or cute moments when both kids are loving on one another or Calvin loving on me or the kids doing something silly). Throughout the day, Calvin and Maya give me sweet reminders of why I do enjoy being at home with them.
We are on a very low income and yet somehow we make do. Johnny and I would love to be able to make more money and to be able to buy cooler clothes or better toys and the list could go on. Yes, we forget the point of life and get jealous of other people with better jobs and more money and better things. But, that isn't the point to life. We are NOT here to move up higher in class or to own the best and to be the coolest. Of course it doesn't hurt to enjoy life a little, but we have to keep things in perspective. We are here to be a witness to others, so that they too can share in eternal life with our Lord and Savior! And as a mother, I am here to raise up my children to the best that I know how. I need to be a good role model for them and to give them the love and security that they deserve! I need to teach them how to have a personal relationship with Jesus. It' s absolutely overwhelming the responsibility we have as parents!
So, yes, I struggle daily with my real job. There are many days like today that make me envious of those who work outside the home. I even get envious of Johnny (my own husband) when he gets to leave for work. But when I put myself in his shoes, I am envious of my job. If I worked outside the home, I would miss out on so much. I would miss so many milestones and sweet moments that I am so lucky to have seen at home. I would miss being home with my kids and being able to watch them grow and change every day. There are so many little things that I would never want to miss out on. Even though I struggle with loving my job, I wouldn't change anything about it! I know I will never regret being at home with my children, but I may regret being away from them. Just something to think about. This is something that has been on my heart for a long time and thought it was worth sharing. Here are my two sweetest babies! They are truly my pride and joy!
I don't even know where to begin...too many things have happened, so I guess I will just list them for now and maybe write short explanations.
1) I had abdominal surgery It all started with me thinking I had the stomach bug. Then, it changed into extreme pain in my bowels. To be very honest, I would have rather gone through childbirth a few times before having to do all this over again. After two ER visits and wrong diagnosis both times, I met with my OBGYN and she performed a laparoscopic procedure on me only to find that she had to perform abdominal surgery on me as well. She ended up having to call two other surgeons in during the surgery because of what they found. I had a pelvic abscess (which is usually a contained infection) that had leaked and spread all over inside of me. It was a mess and they had to clean me up really well. I was in the hospital for 6 days and had to be on strong antibiotics for quite a while. After many tests they still don't understand what caused it, which is pretty nerve wracking, but we are keeping a close watch for any more negative signs. I am still weaker than I was (since I was sick for so long before I even went to the doctor), but I am definitely getting back into the swing of things. My insides are still giving me some funky feelings every once in a while, but it is definitely getting better and I am pretty much pain free! Yeah! My immune system is pretty low still. The first time I got out I came back home with a cold which I am still fighting. Hopefully, echinacea and vitamin c will fix that!
2) Both my kids are finally home with me A HUGE thank you to my mother and mother-in-law and a few other friends for all the help and support they have been for me and my family! They took care of the kids during a lot of this time and even got Maya to take formula while I was in the hospital. We wouldn't have been able to do this without their help! I have had Maya with me since being home from the hospital, but Calvin has been on the Taylor's A LOT! Thanks Kathy for being willing to take care of him so much! It was also so nice to only have Maya with me while I was recouping. Although, I am so glad to finally have both kids home and to be able to get back into our normal routine. Last week, I actually got into the car with both kids and did a couple of errands. It was GREAT to get out of the house! We were even able to get some fun books for Calvin at the library. Calvin is back to potty training and things are going pretty smoothly...with some M&M's as incentive ;) Maya is flipping around on both sides now and gets frustrated a lot more. Calvin is so loving towards Maya and they are starting to enjoy one another a little more now that Maya is getting more interactive (she will be 4 months already on the 28th of this month). Crazy! They are two wonderful kids and I am so blessed to have them as my own! I LOVE watching them play together...When Maya gets upset, Calvin likes to go up to her and entertain. He tries to get her interested in the toys. It really is the cutest thing to watch! Here are some fun pictures of the kids.
3) Maya is breast feeding well again First, it was quite the ordeal to get Maya drinking formula. We tried different bottles and different formula until she finally picked one she seemed to do alright with. I pumped while I was in the hospital (although my milk supply was extremely low from having been on just liquids for quite a while). I was allowed to nurse with the antibiotics that I started taking when I got home, but it hurt Maya's tummy, so she was pretty fussy for a while. I am now off the antibiotics and my milk supply is better now and Maya is nursing well! So, that is a HUGE relief to me! I love being able to fill her tummy with the best nutrition I can give her! She deserves the best even if if took a lot of work and frustration to get it going again! Here are a few pictures of Maya. The first four are a sequence of pictures I took one day...I love all her expressions. She is such a delight!
3) Thank you EVERYONE for all the meals...I am finally cooking again We had an overwhelming amount of meals brought to us and that was the biggest blessing ever! We are so thankful for that as I was not feeling up to cooking. I am getting my energy back now and am so happy to be cooking for my family again. It was so nice to have a break, but there is something about being able to prepare special meals for my family that I missed.
4) Johnny had a job interview He interviewed for a Graphic Design position at Penwell and we are still waiting to hear back from them. It is something that we both really want, but God does know best and so we shall wait patiently for His timing and His will. Johnny is the hardest worker I know and I am so proud of him. He deserves the best! We think we know what is best, but only God can make that decision...He is our Father and He is the only one who knows what is best for all of us!
5) My dear dad has aggressive cancer and is in his last days before he goes to be with the Lord My dad has been fighting cancer for a while now. He has gone through chemo and a lot of pain and suffering. But now His time to be with the Lord is near. I am still grieving, but I am now excited for what is to come for him. My dad is a wonderful man of the Lord and I am so proud of him and the way he has handled his suffering. I know for a fact that my dad will be in a much happier place! I praise God for this! These scripture verses have been on my heart lately. I know that I am going to be with the Lord one day because I have asked Jesus to come into my own heart. I have a personal relationship with Him. To be honest, it has its ups and downs, just as a normal friendship does. Even with its highs and lows, I know I will have a place in heaven because of His promises to me and to any other person who chooses to believe in Him. John 14:6 says: Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life! No one comes to the Father except through me." John 3:16-18 says: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son. My dad is an inspiration to me and my family and I am sure to MANY others that know him as well! He is going to be missed dearly!
6) Happy Thanksgiving To be honest, we (my family) are going through a tough time right now. We have had a lot of things happen to us that could easily cause us to become discouraged...sickness, financial hardships (enormous hospital bills with no insurance), death, and being physically and emotionally exhausted. But we are persevering and both Johnny and I are growing together in all of this. Johnny has seen me at my weakest yet and I have seen him very discouraged, but we are keeping our heads up and completely relying on God for His help, strength, guidance, love, peace and much more. We know that we will be taken care of because God is our provider. He loves us dearly as His own children and will take care of us!
With this being said, I have so many things to be thankful for... I am extremely blessed! Thank you Lord for my amazing and hard working husband and beautiful family! Thank you for the most awesome dad who was the best role model ever! Thank you for a cute little house and two cars! Thank you for showing me the importance of staying home with my kids and giving us the ability to do that! Thank you for my mommy body (even thought I don't always show appreciation for it)...it's a constant reminder of what an amazing miracle it is to grow a child inside of me and what a privilege it was as well! Thank you Lord for all the loving support from family and friends that we have been given during this rough time! Thank you for reminding us of the importance of spending time with you daily...you are our source for everything!
And here are a few more pictures to end this posting with. The first is of Calvin when he fell asleep in his highchair while he was eating his lunch. He had never done that before and it was hilarious. He didn't even wake up when I put him into his bed! Here is the video of it:
The second picture is Calvin listening to music with dad's headphones. He really enjoyed that! The last two are just silly ones of Calvin and I trying on his little "safety glasses" that he got with his garage sale tool set that daddy found for him! It was quite the silly moment!
